Questions... I bet you have quite a few of them. So I'll try my best to put my reader hat on and ask and respond to what I think you might be curious about. Starting with the most obvious question of all:
// Q: Where have you been?
Since my last blog post in December, it's been quite a whirlwind for my little family and I. We were in Frisco for the Husker-Bruin bowl game (which we dominated! WOOOOP!)... then we went home to LA... came back to Lincoln... eventually went back to Cali... and today I sit here from the comfort of my own home in Lincoln (in the span of 4 months!).
// Q: What's been going on?
When we went home to Cali in December after the bowl game, my mom became very ill. What we thought was pneumonia or even possibly tuberculosis, turned out to be stage 4 cancer that had metastasized throughout her body. Unfortunately, she was called home by our Lord and Savior on January 17th. Almost 5 months later, and it's just as surreal to me as when it initially happened.
Since my mom passed, I've been back and forth between Cali and Nebraska to take care of her personal matters. I've been here in Lincoln since early April and trying to establish some sort of routine, not only for myself but for my little one as well! I'm happy to report that he is now going to bed at a decent hour (7:30pm-ish). Between the time difference, the multiple houses we stayed at, and being on the go, we're marching our way to small wins!
// Q: How are you feeling?
I would love to think that this has all been a dream and my mom is really still alive today... to check in with me on the phone on her way to work... to ask about the baby... to visit us in Nebraska during football season... BUT the reality is that she is no longer on earth suffering or in pain. She is rejoicing with the rest of our family in Heaven. I have days that I clearly understand that and am totally content. Other days I hold my sadness... my disbelief... my guilt... which is something I'm learning to do each day is to HOLD it not HEAL it [as Jeff Foster would say]. I can't really fix the sadness or the loneliness.... but rather I can just let myself BE.
I try and remind myself that life is much more than the daily struggles we face. Our possessions are not everlasting, the worry or stress we carry doesn't solve anything, finances will always be somewhat of a burden to us. However, these struggles seem so minimal if we can focus on happiness.
How can I live a happy life so that my hubs and son can benefit from the best ME? What can I do today that will help bring positivity into my life? Am I being the best ME that I can be today? These are questions that come across my mind SO many times every single day. They give me strength... courage... motivation- things my mom brought to my life. I am extremely grateful to be her daughter, and look forward to growing more and more every day by what she has instilled in me.
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